I got chris browned last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
