neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
