Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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