Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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