So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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