Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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