she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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