No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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