Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a search helicopter?!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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