I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
