tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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