How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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