I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
