We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
