I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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