tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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