i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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