I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
