I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
