real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
