Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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