dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
