I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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