ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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