im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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