so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
