I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
