I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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