ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
