Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize