Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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