The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
