So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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