i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
