i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
