went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
