I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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