Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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