We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
being pregnant is like rehab
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
