I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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