The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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