I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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