Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
my liver is dry heaving
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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