Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
