he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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