Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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