My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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