Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize