Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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