you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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