Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
