Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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