You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm really into asian looking animals
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
