Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
