Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
