after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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