I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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